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Self Care

I’ve been thinking a lot about self care lately. See I went through a big relationship breakup this last year. We still talk things are sort of friendly but we’re hashing shit out and it get’s painful. Today I felt a lot of pain and sorrow. I’m still grieving. It comes in waves. Like the ocean. And like the waves of the ocean the waves pass. Sometimes the waves are crashing violently on the beach, pulverizing rocks to sand and sometimes they’re ripples but they are always there.
Today my ex and I had to hash out some new boundaries. We talked openly about a painful topic. We raised our voices, there was the inevitable anger but we’ve both learned that under the anger is always sorrow. Anger feels strong but really what it inevitably is about is the sadness of the loss of our relationship. Today we were able to tap into that sorrow.
I went away with the satisfaction that I was working on some a new healthier habit. I was able to tolerate confrontation which is fairly new to me, I was able to hear her side and to speak my truth. All well and good but now that piece is over what am I going to do to look after myself.
That’s where self care comes in. In the past I would have gotten high or drank myself into oblivion. More recently it would be a six pack of Boston Cream donuts from Tim Hortons. I gave up the booze and drugs years ago and have always used food as a way to soothe myself. I used food as recently as this Christmas but not to the extent I usually do. This time I decided to try something different.
I went to Hillcrest Pool and did aquafit. It’s a good work out and I get so caught up in the moment nothing else matters. I’ve been and avid swimmer since childhood and lately I’ve been reconnecting with that love. Afterwards I hit the sauna. Chinese women were giggling and talking in low tones amongst themselves. Their language became part of my meditation. I didm’t understand a word they were saying but the strong cutting consonants of their language was like percussive music to my ears. It was a slow day at the pool so I indulged in the wave pool floating on my back letting the current of the water taking me as it wished. After a shower I left the pool feeling refreshed and hungry. I went got a couple slices of pizza a rare treat but a treat none the less.
I did this all by myself and enjoyed my time alone. I felt refreshed and invigorated. I’m gonna practice a lot more of self care in the future. Massages, spas, trips to the art gallery and movies alone. Stay tuned for more self care action!

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